Like so many other autism moms, I have gone without hearing my son say, "I love you". The power of that short phrase is profound and I have held on to the hope that someday Jake would utter those words. Every night, when I tuck him in his bed I tell him that I love him. This is always greeted with silence or a repeat of a sentence from the last bedtime story I read to him.
A few nights ago, I tucked him in and turned off his light. I said, "I love you, Jake" and walked toward the door. Just as I placed my hand on the doorknob, I heard his sleepy voice say, "I love you too, Mommy".
As much as I have dreamed of this moment, nothing could have prepared me for the sheer and complete joy I felt when I heard him say those words.
The following day, fresh from the high of that wonderful moment, I had lunch with Sarah. Watching her gobble up her sandwich, I said "I love you Sarah,". She looked up from her lunch and beamed at me from across the table. Her smile lit up the room as she announced, "I love my daddy!".
Guess I can't win them all.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Birthdays
I dread Jake's birthdays more than my own. The all too familiar lump has once again returned to my throat as I brace myself for the complex emotions that come with his big day. For me, his birthday is a reminder of an ever-shrinking window of opportunity for autism recovery. He will be 5 years old on Monday and I still have to change his diapers, dress him, wash him, brush his teeth and coax him to eat. I found myself wondering if he will ever be able to manage these self-care tasks.
Recently, I received a message from another autism mom. She is just beginning her journey on the spectrum and her son is 3 and a half years old. She wondered if her child would ever talk. She described his current language skills, which consisted entirely of just a few echolalic phrases. What a blessing it was to receive this message! Jake was diagnosed at 3 and half years old and at that time, he also only communicated a few echolalic phrases. I was able to share the story of our progress and hopefully inspired that mom to keep going with interventions. This interaction provided a much needed reminder of exactly how far we have come in just 18 months.
Tomorrow we will have a small family party to celebrate Jake's big day. The lump in my throat is still there, but there is a fair chance I will make it through the day without falling apart...as long as I can focus on his tremendous progress so far.
Recently, I received a message from another autism mom. She is just beginning her journey on the spectrum and her son is 3 and a half years old. She wondered if her child would ever talk. She described his current language skills, which consisted entirely of just a few echolalic phrases. What a blessing it was to receive this message! Jake was diagnosed at 3 and half years old and at that time, he also only communicated a few echolalic phrases. I was able to share the story of our progress and hopefully inspired that mom to keep going with interventions. This interaction provided a much needed reminder of exactly how far we have come in just 18 months.
Tomorrow we will have a small family party to celebrate Jake's big day. The lump in my throat is still there, but there is a fair chance I will make it through the day without falling apart...as long as I can focus on his tremendous progress so far.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Veggie Spaghetti
This spaghetti sauce contains ingredients that are disliked by every member of my family. I don't like tomatoes, Jeff doesn't like onions, Sarah won't eat green peppers and Jake doesn't like anything. Finally a meal we can all hate! For some reason, when it is all mixed together as spaghetti sauce, we like it. It's an easy way to work more vegetables in to the family diet.
Veggie Spaghetti Sauce (GFCFSF)
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
1 carrot, chopped
1 8 ounce package fresh mushrooms, sliced or chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
2 15 ounce cans tomato sauce
2 cups water
2 tablespoons sweet rice flour (or tapioca, corn starch or arrowroot)
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon dried basil
In a large saucepan or high-sided skillet, add oil, onion, green pepper, carrot, mushrooms and salt. Saute on medium-high heat until tender. Stir in garlic.
Add tomato sauce, oregano and basil. Reduce heat to low.
Mix flour in water and add to pan. Stir well. Sauce will thicken as it simmers.
Serve with your favorite gluten-free pasta.
Makes 6 cups of sauce.
*This is a big batch of sauce. Use half right away and freeze the other half so you'll have it for a quick fix meal another time.
Veggie Spaghetti Sauce (GFCFSF)
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
1 carrot, chopped
1 8 ounce package fresh mushrooms, sliced or chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
2 15 ounce cans tomato sauce
2 cups water
2 tablespoons sweet rice flour (or tapioca, corn starch or arrowroot)
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon dried basil
In a large saucepan or high-sided skillet, add oil, onion, green pepper, carrot, mushrooms and salt. Saute on medium-high heat until tender. Stir in garlic.
Add tomato sauce, oregano and basil. Reduce heat to low.
Mix flour in water and add to pan. Stir well. Sauce will thicken as it simmers.
Serve with your favorite gluten-free pasta.
Makes 6 cups of sauce.
*This is a big batch of sauce. Use half right away and freeze the other half so you'll have it for a quick fix meal another time.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Ladies' Man Goes To The Doctor
It has been a tough winter in our house. It seems as though the children have managed to catch every conceivable virus and brought them all home to share with the rest of the family. In the last week, 3 of the 4 members of the family have been on antibiotics for one ailment or another.
Poor Jake got hit hard with bronchitis and an ear infection. He ran a high fever all last weekend and had another febrile seizure. I struggled for 3 days to get an accurate reading of his temperature, but he fights so hard it was impossible. He won't hold the thermometer in his mouth and the underarm method requires 3 football players to hold him down long enough to get a reading. Our ear thermometer works very fast, but has never yielded an accurate reading. Yes, I know there is another way to get his temperature taken...that's out of the question also.
I took Jake to the pediatrician on Monday. Visits to the doctor are hard on Jake and I only take him in if I absolutely have to. Between the ongoing high fever, the seizure and the horrible cough, I had no choice.
The meltdown started in the car on the way to the doctor's office. He knew they would want to take his temperature and screamed, "No temperature!" over and over. He continued screaming while we were in the waiting room. He screeched, flailed, kicked and raged throughout the entire wait. I wondered where he found the energy for such a show.
There was a young couple with a cute little baby girl in the waiting room. The couple did not cast the judgemental glares I usually get from other parents when Jake has a public meltdown. In fact, they appeared to be concerned and perhaps even sympathetic. It's too bad really, I was in a foul mood and hoping to mess with the new parents witnessing my son's colossal meltdown by saying, "They say the twos are terrible, but the fours are a nightmare!" Instead, I offered a sheepish smile and apologized for the disruption.
When our turn came to head back to the exam room. I carried my screaming, flailing son all the way down the hall. He continued to rage, "No temperature! No temperature!" I was very sick myself and running out of energy to deal with this behavior. Finally, the nurse came in...with the thermometer. I braced myself for the showdown.
Upon seeing the nurse, Jake stopped his fit cold. No more screaming, no more tears, no more fighting. He looked at the pretty nurse and said, "Hi!" As she approached with the thermometer, he grabbed it from her hand and said, "Here, let me help you."
Seriously? Are you #$&%ing kidding me?
The nurse got Jake's temperature without incident and as she walked out of the room he asked, "Can you come back?" I was also running a fever and began to wonder if I was hallucinating. Jake remained calm for the rest of the exam and thoroughly enjoyed his reward of Thomas the Train stickers the pretty nurse presented him with.
With the whole family being sick, I had to delay getting myself to a doctor. It was impossible to get out of the house during normal working hours to see my primary care physician. By Friday night, I was still running a fever and seemed to be steadily getting worse. I decided to head to the urgent care center after Jeff got home from work.
I waited in the giant petri dish of a waiting room for a few minutes before being shown to an exam room. While I waited for the doctor to come in, I noticed the multitude of ads placed by pharmaceutical companies. I have always been annoyed by ads for medications on TV and in doctors' offices. In this room, even the tissue paper on the exam table had an advertisement on it.
I found it very interesting that the most prominent advertising in the room was for Cialis (similar to Viagra). I managed to entertain myself by imagining what sort of Cialis requiring medical crisis would land a patient in an urgent care center.
Finally the doctor arrived and prescribed some antibiotics to treat my sinus infection and bronchitis. My dear, sweet, wonderful husband took care of the children yesterday so that I could get some rest. The kids are now healthy and I am well on my way to feeling like a human again.
Poor Jake got hit hard with bronchitis and an ear infection. He ran a high fever all last weekend and had another febrile seizure. I struggled for 3 days to get an accurate reading of his temperature, but he fights so hard it was impossible. He won't hold the thermometer in his mouth and the underarm method requires 3 football players to hold him down long enough to get a reading. Our ear thermometer works very fast, but has never yielded an accurate reading. Yes, I know there is another way to get his temperature taken...that's out of the question also.
I took Jake to the pediatrician on Monday. Visits to the doctor are hard on Jake and I only take him in if I absolutely have to. Between the ongoing high fever, the seizure and the horrible cough, I had no choice.
The meltdown started in the car on the way to the doctor's office. He knew they would want to take his temperature and screamed, "No temperature!" over and over. He continued screaming while we were in the waiting room. He screeched, flailed, kicked and raged throughout the entire wait. I wondered where he found the energy for such a show.
There was a young couple with a cute little baby girl in the waiting room. The couple did not cast the judgemental glares I usually get from other parents when Jake has a public meltdown. In fact, they appeared to be concerned and perhaps even sympathetic. It's too bad really, I was in a foul mood and hoping to mess with the new parents witnessing my son's colossal meltdown by saying, "They say the twos are terrible, but the fours are a nightmare!" Instead, I offered a sheepish smile and apologized for the disruption.
When our turn came to head back to the exam room. I carried my screaming, flailing son all the way down the hall. He continued to rage, "No temperature! No temperature!" I was very sick myself and running out of energy to deal with this behavior. Finally, the nurse came in...with the thermometer. I braced myself for the showdown.
Upon seeing the nurse, Jake stopped his fit cold. No more screaming, no more tears, no more fighting. He looked at the pretty nurse and said, "Hi!" As she approached with the thermometer, he grabbed it from her hand and said, "Here, let me help you."
Seriously? Are you #$&%ing kidding me?
The nurse got Jake's temperature without incident and as she walked out of the room he asked, "Can you come back?" I was also running a fever and began to wonder if I was hallucinating. Jake remained calm for the rest of the exam and thoroughly enjoyed his reward of Thomas the Train stickers the pretty nurse presented him with.
With the whole family being sick, I had to delay getting myself to a doctor. It was impossible to get out of the house during normal working hours to see my primary care physician. By Friday night, I was still running a fever and seemed to be steadily getting worse. I decided to head to the urgent care center after Jeff got home from work.
I waited in the giant petri dish of a waiting room for a few minutes before being shown to an exam room. While I waited for the doctor to come in, I noticed the multitude of ads placed by pharmaceutical companies. I have always been annoyed by ads for medications on TV and in doctors' offices. In this room, even the tissue paper on the exam table had an advertisement on it.
I found it very interesting that the most prominent advertising in the room was for Cialis (similar to Viagra). I managed to entertain myself by imagining what sort of Cialis requiring medical crisis would land a patient in an urgent care center.
Finally the doctor arrived and prescribed some antibiotics to treat my sinus infection and bronchitis. My dear, sweet, wonderful husband took care of the children yesterday so that I could get some rest. The kids are now healthy and I am well on my way to feeling like a human again.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wow Moments
We've had several WOW! moments with Jake over the last few days. I recently added TriEnza to his protocol and I am seeing some wonderful improvements. In fact, I have not seen improvement this dramatic since we first went GFCF. It's very exciting.
He is sleeping better, talking better and the eye contact is amazing. He has been capable of minimal (fleeting) eye contact, but over the last couple of days, he has managed to sustain eye contact with me for several moments on multiple occasions.
Most days when we return home from school, he has a big meltdown. There is a lot of screaming and I have no idea what is setting him off. During the drive home from school yesterday he announced, "I don't want to go home." I guess these regular meltdowns were his way of telling me that he did not want to be at home, but until yesterday, he has never been able to articulate that. As a reward for good talking, we took a few detours on our way home.
Eventually, when we returned home, he became agitated. Again, he said that he did not want to go home and started screeching. I reminded him to use his words and that's just what he did! Suddenly, he was talking: "Do you want to go see Grandma?" , "How 'bout we go to the aquarium?" , "Let's go to the farm again." He told me what he wanted and managed to avoid the hour long scream-a-thon he usually has in the afternoons. I was stunned.
Later in the afternoon, Jake approached me and said, "Do you ever get scared?" I replied, "Yes, sometimes I do get scared." I asked him if he ever gets scared and he answered "yes". Then I asked, "What scares you, Jake?" He answered, "Water scares you." Pronouns are tricky for him, but I don't care. As far as I'm concerned, we just had a conversation with spontaneous, original sentences.
I went on to prepare dinner, absolutely jubilant over Jake's progress. He approached me once more and said, "How do you doody?" We've been unsuccessfully potty training him for nearly 3 years. Thrilled that he was now interested in potty issues, I launched into a grand explanation of all things doody. Where it comes from, where it should go, how big boys use the potty, etc. I was hopeful that all of this new progress might extend to finally getting this child potty trained.
He patiently listened to me as I rambled on about doody. Then he walked out of the room and returned with the remote control and once again said, "How do you doody?"
I asked him if he wanted to go sit on the potty. He said, "No potty. How do you doody?" I said, "I don't understand what you want." He crammed the remote control into my hand and said, "You want to watch how do you doody on the TV."
The little guy was asking to watch the Howdy Doody DVD he received as a Christmas present from Grandma. He sure got more than he bargained for, didn't he?
He is sleeping better, talking better and the eye contact is amazing. He has been capable of minimal (fleeting) eye contact, but over the last couple of days, he has managed to sustain eye contact with me for several moments on multiple occasions.
Most days when we return home from school, he has a big meltdown. There is a lot of screaming and I have no idea what is setting him off. During the drive home from school yesterday he announced, "I don't want to go home." I guess these regular meltdowns were his way of telling me that he did not want to be at home, but until yesterday, he has never been able to articulate that. As a reward for good talking, we took a few detours on our way home.
Eventually, when we returned home, he became agitated. Again, he said that he did not want to go home and started screeching. I reminded him to use his words and that's just what he did! Suddenly, he was talking: "Do you want to go see Grandma?" , "How 'bout we go to the aquarium?" , "Let's go to the farm again." He told me what he wanted and managed to avoid the hour long scream-a-thon he usually has in the afternoons. I was stunned.
Later in the afternoon, Jake approached me and said, "Do you ever get scared?" I replied, "Yes, sometimes I do get scared." I asked him if he ever gets scared and he answered "yes". Then I asked, "What scares you, Jake?" He answered, "Water scares you." Pronouns are tricky for him, but I don't care. As far as I'm concerned, we just had a conversation with spontaneous, original sentences.
I went on to prepare dinner, absolutely jubilant over Jake's progress. He approached me once more and said, "How do you doody?" We've been unsuccessfully potty training him for nearly 3 years. Thrilled that he was now interested in potty issues, I launched into a grand explanation of all things doody. Where it comes from, where it should go, how big boys use the potty, etc. I was hopeful that all of this new progress might extend to finally getting this child potty trained.
He patiently listened to me as I rambled on about doody. Then he walked out of the room and returned with the remote control and once again said, "How do you doody?"
I asked him if he wanted to go sit on the potty. He said, "No potty. How do you doody?" I said, "I don't understand what you want." He crammed the remote control into my hand and said, "You want to watch how do you doody on the TV."
The little guy was asking to watch the Howdy Doody DVD he received as a Christmas present from Grandma. He sure got more than he bargained for, didn't he?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Soft Rice Bread
I just finished slicing this bread and I'm very happy with the results. I usually use bean flour in my breads because it is an easy way to add protein to the kids' diet. But today, I thought I'd try for an alternative to white bread and this is what I came up with. My gluten loving husband tried it and happily announced, "This is good. It doesn't taste like beans!"
GFCFSF Rice Bread
2 cups brown rice flour
2 cups white rice flour
1 cup sweet rice flour
1 cup Better Than Milk Rice Milk Powder
1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon xanthan gum
2 teaspoons salt
2 packets dry active yeast
2 3/4 cups warm water
2 eggs
1/3 cup canola oil
In bowl of stand mixer combine water, eggs and oil.
In separate bowl, combine dry ingredients. Whisk well.
With mixer on low speed, slowly add dry mixture to wet.
Increase mixer speed to medium and continue mixing for 3 minutes.
Divide dough between 2 greased 9 x 5 loaf pans. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise for 1 hour or until doubled in size.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
With wet hands, smooth tops of loaves. Using a very sharp knife, slice loaves lengthwise about 1/4 inch deep.
Bake at 400 degrees for 1 hour.
Let cool completely before slicing or freezing.
Makes 2 large loaves.
Note: This recipe will work using the dough hook on your mixer, but I think it mixes a little better using the paddle attachment.
GFCFSF Rice Bread
2 cups brown rice flour
2 cups white rice flour
1 cup sweet rice flour
1 cup Better Than Milk Rice Milk Powder
1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon xanthan gum
2 teaspoons salt
2 packets dry active yeast
2 3/4 cups warm water
2 eggs
1/3 cup canola oil
In bowl of stand mixer combine water, eggs and oil.
In separate bowl, combine dry ingredients. Whisk well.
With mixer on low speed, slowly add dry mixture to wet.
Increase mixer speed to medium and continue mixing for 3 minutes.
Divide dough between 2 greased 9 x 5 loaf pans. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise for 1 hour or until doubled in size.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
With wet hands, smooth tops of loaves. Using a very sharp knife, slice loaves lengthwise about 1/4 inch deep.
Bake at 400 degrees for 1 hour.
Let cool completely before slicing or freezing.
Makes 2 large loaves.
Note: This recipe will work using the dough hook on your mixer, but I think it mixes a little better using the paddle attachment.
Monday, January 12, 2009
GFCFSF Soft Sandwich Bread
I was really pleased with this bread. It is soft and has a good flavor. The garfava flour adds protein and the milk powder adds an extra boost of nutrition. Maple syrup is rich in trace minerals such as zinc and manganese. Best of all, my family likes it. Hope you enjoy it too.
GFCFSF Soft Sandwich Bread
2 cups garfava flour
2 cups white rice flour
1 cup tapioca flour
1 cup dry milk powder (Better Than Milk or Dari-Free)
1 tablespoon xanthan gum
2 teaspoons salt
2 packets yeast
2 1/2 cups warm water
1/4 cup canola oil
1/4 cup maple syrup
2 eggs
Place water, oil, syrup and eggs in bowl of stand mixer.
Combine dry ingredients in separate bowl and whisk well.
Add 2 cups of dry mixture to wet ingredients and begin mixing at low speed. Slowly add remaining dry ingredients (about 1 cup at a time).
Mix at medium-high speed for 5 minutes.
Divide dough between 2 greased 9x5 loaf pans. Loosely cover with plastic wrap and let rise for 1 hour.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Smooth tops of the loaves with wet hands.
Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes. Cover with foil after first 30 minutes (earlier if necessary) to prevent over browning.
*I recommend checking the bread (toothpick method) after one hour of cooking.
GFCFSF Soft Sandwich Bread
2 cups garfava flour
2 cups white rice flour
1 cup tapioca flour
1 cup dry milk powder (Better Than Milk or Dari-Free)
1 tablespoon xanthan gum
2 teaspoons salt
2 packets yeast
2 1/2 cups warm water
1/4 cup canola oil
1/4 cup maple syrup
2 eggs
Place water, oil, syrup and eggs in bowl of stand mixer.
Combine dry ingredients in separate bowl and whisk well.
Add 2 cups of dry mixture to wet ingredients and begin mixing at low speed. Slowly add remaining dry ingredients (about 1 cup at a time).
Mix at medium-high speed for 5 minutes.
Divide dough between 2 greased 9x5 loaf pans. Loosely cover with plastic wrap and let rise for 1 hour.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Smooth tops of the loaves with wet hands.
Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes. Cover with foil after first 30 minutes (earlier if necessary) to prevent over browning.
*I recommend checking the bread (toothpick method) after one hour of cooking.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Breaking Point
I've been down in the dumps this week. There have been a number of things bugging me, including this hideous beast of a cold that just will not go away. I've refrained from posting because I like to keep things upbeat around here. But, we all have bad days and it's just not realistic to be so darn perky all the time. Having said all of that, please join me in a mood swing. Hang on!
The sudden passing of Jett Travolta hit me hard. I will not participate in the debate over Scientology and his parents' denial of his autism. My sympathies are with his family and I think we owe them a break from speculation and accusations. The fact is, our autism community is close knit and when we lose one of our own, we all feel it. The news of Jett's seizure brought back memories of the day I almost lost Jake to a seizure. I try hard not to think about that day, but all of the talk about autism and seizures makes it impossible. Someday, when I am feeling braver (today is not that day) I will share that story.
Next on my list of things that are dragging me down: My parents are in Israel. They are on a 2 week tour with a church group. Before they left, I questioned the wisdom of traveling over there right now. I was assured that they would be safe. The fighting in the area is south of where they are touring. Guess what? This morning's news brought reports that the fighting has extended to the northern part of Israel. So, I'm a bit worried about their safety.
You know how it is when you get the blues. Everything starts to get overwhelming. I'm stressing over work and trying to find a way to cram more hours in the day. The house is a mess. I miss my dog. The vaccuum cleaner is broken. Sarah is cranky. Jake is still autistic. Heck, I'm even starting to feel bad about Oprah gaining the weight back.
Today, I met my breaking point.
This morning started out rough. Sarah was up at 4am and simply would not go back to sleep. Jake woke up at 5:30 and we immediately began the morning's battle over potato chips. I prepped lunches and snacks amid Sarah's whines for me to pick her up. Finally, everyone was dressed, wrestled into their coats and ready to head off to their various destinations.
I drove Jake to school. He seemed a bit off today, so I took the long way to school. We passed slowly by a local farm to look at the cows. This seemed to make him happy. I now think he was quiet because he was busy plotting the show he was going to put on at the main entrance of the school.
When we arrived at school, Jake ran into the front office and proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs. He threw himself on the floor and refused to get up. I picked him up and began carrying him (still shrieking) to the classroom. It's difficult to carry him under normal circumstances, but today I am dealing with a muscle spasm in my neck, which made the experience even more fun. I was relieved when he stopped screaming and appeared to be ready to walk on his own. I set him down and was shocked when he ran all the way back down the hall to the office for some more screaming. I scooped him back up and proceeded down the hall again with Jake still screaming at top volume. I was aware of all the stares from parents, teachers and students. It doesn't really embarrass me anymore, but I did regret not having one of my autism shirts on.
It's a good distance from the main entrance of the school to Jake's classroom. About halfway there, my neck was really killing me and I had to set him down. This time he took off again, but since he was running in the direction of his classroom, I didn't chase him down. One teacher told me there was 'no running allowed' and that I needed to 'teach him that early'. Yeah, it's on my list, somewhere between teaching him how to talk and teaching him not to pee in his pants.
Jake found his way to his classroom and ran in screaming. I followed shortly behind him. He settled down very quickly after a few moments of laying face down on the floor. So, Jake had arrived safely to his classroom. Mission accomplished. I've definitely been through worse with him, but for some reason, I started to cry.
A normal person can shed a tear or two, wipe them away and be fine. Not me. I go straight to the ugly cry. I cannot stop it. I cannot hide it. My eyes and face turn bright red and it becomes hard to breath. I try to say that I'm fine and even though I am, onlookers believe I am in the grips of a complete nervous breakdown. I get incredibly embarrassed by my own weakness and that just makes me cry more. I scooted out of the class as fast as possible.
I cried all the way home. I was so grateful to return to an empty house (no witnesses). I let it fly. I cried over anything and everything. After just a few minutes, the tears stopped and I was left wondering why I don't do that more often. I spend a lot of energy trying to hide all of these emotions. It is clear that I need to let it all out every now and then. I feel so much better now.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, have a good cry. I highly recommend it.
The sudden passing of Jett Travolta hit me hard. I will not participate in the debate over Scientology and his parents' denial of his autism. My sympathies are with his family and I think we owe them a break from speculation and accusations. The fact is, our autism community is close knit and when we lose one of our own, we all feel it. The news of Jett's seizure brought back memories of the day I almost lost Jake to a seizure. I try hard not to think about that day, but all of the talk about autism and seizures makes it impossible. Someday, when I am feeling braver (today is not that day) I will share that story.
Next on my list of things that are dragging me down: My parents are in Israel. They are on a 2 week tour with a church group. Before they left, I questioned the wisdom of traveling over there right now. I was assured that they would be safe. The fighting in the area is south of where they are touring. Guess what? This morning's news brought reports that the fighting has extended to the northern part of Israel. So, I'm a bit worried about their safety.
You know how it is when you get the blues. Everything starts to get overwhelming. I'm stressing over work and trying to find a way to cram more hours in the day. The house is a mess. I miss my dog. The vaccuum cleaner is broken. Sarah is cranky. Jake is still autistic. Heck, I'm even starting to feel bad about Oprah gaining the weight back.
Today, I met my breaking point.
This morning started out rough. Sarah was up at 4am and simply would not go back to sleep. Jake woke up at 5:30 and we immediately began the morning's battle over potato chips. I prepped lunches and snacks amid Sarah's whines for me to pick her up. Finally, everyone was dressed, wrestled into their coats and ready to head off to their various destinations.
I drove Jake to school. He seemed a bit off today, so I took the long way to school. We passed slowly by a local farm to look at the cows. This seemed to make him happy. I now think he was quiet because he was busy plotting the show he was going to put on at the main entrance of the school.
When we arrived at school, Jake ran into the front office and proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs. He threw himself on the floor and refused to get up. I picked him up and began carrying him (still shrieking) to the classroom. It's difficult to carry him under normal circumstances, but today I am dealing with a muscle spasm in my neck, which made the experience even more fun. I was relieved when he stopped screaming and appeared to be ready to walk on his own. I set him down and was shocked when he ran all the way back down the hall to the office for some more screaming. I scooped him back up and proceeded down the hall again with Jake still screaming at top volume. I was aware of all the stares from parents, teachers and students. It doesn't really embarrass me anymore, but I did regret not having one of my autism shirts on.
It's a good distance from the main entrance of the school to Jake's classroom. About halfway there, my neck was really killing me and I had to set him down. This time he took off again, but since he was running in the direction of his classroom, I didn't chase him down. One teacher told me there was 'no running allowed' and that I needed to 'teach him that early'. Yeah, it's on my list, somewhere between teaching him how to talk and teaching him not to pee in his pants.
Jake found his way to his classroom and ran in screaming. I followed shortly behind him. He settled down very quickly after a few moments of laying face down on the floor. So, Jake had arrived safely to his classroom. Mission accomplished. I've definitely been through worse with him, but for some reason, I started to cry.
A normal person can shed a tear or two, wipe them away and be fine. Not me. I go straight to the ugly cry. I cannot stop it. I cannot hide it. My eyes and face turn bright red and it becomes hard to breath. I try to say that I'm fine and even though I am, onlookers believe I am in the grips of a complete nervous breakdown. I get incredibly embarrassed by my own weakness and that just makes me cry more. I scooted out of the class as fast as possible.
I cried all the way home. I was so grateful to return to an empty house (no witnesses). I let it fly. I cried over anything and everything. After just a few minutes, the tears stopped and I was left wondering why I don't do that more often. I spend a lot of energy trying to hide all of these emotions. It is clear that I need to let it all out every now and then. I feel so much better now.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, have a good cry. I highly recommend it.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Vanilla Cookies
2/3 cup spectrum shortening
1/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup garfava flour
1/4 cup arrowroot flour
1 tablespoon pea protein powder (or equivalent arrowroot flour)
1 tablespoon ground flax seed
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon xanthan gum
1/4 cup maple syrup
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cream together shortening, sugar, vanilla, egg and salt.
Add remaining ingredients and mix until dough forms.
Drop by rounded teaspoon on to ungreased cookie sheet.
Bake for 8 to 10 minutes. Let rest on cookie sheet for a few minutes before moving to cooling rack.
Makes about 30 cookies.
1/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup garfava flour
1/4 cup arrowroot flour
1 tablespoon pea protein powder (or equivalent arrowroot flour)
1 tablespoon ground flax seed
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon xanthan gum
1/4 cup maple syrup
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cream together shortening, sugar, vanilla, egg and salt.
Add remaining ingredients and mix until dough forms.
Drop by rounded teaspoon on to ungreased cookie sheet.
Bake for 8 to 10 minutes. Let rest on cookie sheet for a few minutes before moving to cooling rack.
Makes about 30 cookies.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Beef Stew
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 stalks celery, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
1 onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 pound beef, cubed
3 potatoes, diced
6 cups water
3 tablespoons sweet rice flour
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper to taste
Pour oil in large pot and heat over medium-high heat. Stir in celery, carrots and onion. Saute until tender (3 to 5 minutes). Add beef and garlic.
Add potatoes and water. Boil until potatoes are slightly tender (about 10 minutes).
Reduce heat. Add salt, pepper and Worcestershire sauce.
In a mug or small bowl, combine about 1 cup of the stew broth with the rice flour. Whisk well to remove lumps. Return broth and rice mixture to pot and stir well.
Simmer until ready to eat.
3 stalks celery, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
1 onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 pound beef, cubed
3 potatoes, diced
6 cups water
3 tablespoons sweet rice flour
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper to taste
Pour oil in large pot and heat over medium-high heat. Stir in celery, carrots and onion. Saute until tender (3 to 5 minutes). Add beef and garlic.
Add potatoes and water. Boil until potatoes are slightly tender (about 10 minutes).
Reduce heat. Add salt, pepper and Worcestershire sauce.
In a mug or small bowl, combine about 1 cup of the stew broth with the rice flour. Whisk well to remove lumps. Return broth and rice mixture to pot and stir well.
Simmer until ready to eat.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Sneaky Protein
Can you spot the protein in this picture?While I have made some progress in overcoming Jake's potato chip obsession. It is still his preferred food and on particularly bad days, it is the ONLY thing he will eat.
I can hide pureed veggies in his breads and cookies but it is impossible to hide anything in a pile of potato chips. Or is it?
I recently purchased Cape Cod brand Robust Russet chips. These chips are gluten-free with no cc issues (they are made in a separate facility from their other flavors). As you can see in the picture, they are darker and more curled than your average chip.
The hidden protein here is bacon. I fried a couple of slices and then broke them up to add to the chips. They blended well with the russet chips. Jake ate them all up!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)