The Lost Years

I had two large collage frames sitting in my closet for quite some time. I planned to fill those frames with black and white pictures of my kids. I have tons of pictures of my daughter and filling the frame designated for her would be easy. But, I don't have a lot of great pictures of my son. The task of sorting through pictures of him to find a few favorites was not something I looked forward to. In fact, I have procrastinated on this project for over a year simply because I didn't feel strong enough to sift through all the photos from the years when his autism seemed to overshadow him. I wanted to display pictures of his bright eyes and gorgeous smile and I knew those were few and far between for much of his childhood.

I finally worked up the courage to begin the project, easily finding great pictures of my daughter to frame. As expected, finding pictures of my son that showed his personality was not only difficult, but painful. He is a terrific kid, but for the first couple of years on the spectrum, he hid from the camera or simply looked away when I called his name hoping to capture his precious face in a picture. I eventually finished my collage frame project. Sadly, I could not find any good pictures of my little guy from age 2 1/2 until his 5th birthday. What happened to ages 3 and 4? Autism happened.

I hung the completed collage frames and tried not to think about the lost years missing from them. But, it still bothered me. Really bothered me. Until I found a list I wrote 3 years ago:

Repeating phrases from television/books - no meaningful communication
Screaming
Loss of motor skills-can no longer use utensils, crayons, drink from a straw
No eye contact
Curled hands
Hands always held close to chest
Tics (head movements)
Talking out of side of mouth
No response when name is called
Prolonged, unexplained tantrums
Obsessed with opening/closing doors
Running off unexpectedly

I remember making this list with a shaky hand. I was preparing to take him to a neurologist and I wanted to have the symptoms written down so I wouldn't forget anything during the appointment. I can remember how incredibly terrified I was for my son. He was disappearing from us and I had no idea how to bring him back.

What was great about finding this list is that almost all of those symptoms are gone now. He still has some echolalia (repeating), but it's rare. And, we are still working on motor skills and making good progress. There are occasional bouts of tantrums and screaming, but there is always an obvious trigger and they are far less severe than before. The tics, curled hands and holding his arms against his chest all went away when we started the GFCF diet. 

This list reminded me of what we were doing during those lost years. I taught him how to communicate. In the beginning, that meant teaching individual words, then phrases and eventually the tough job of pronouns (who knew that would be so complicated?). For a long time, I narrated every single thing I did in front of him to help him learn to talk. I can remember saying things like, "I am folding the laundry. This is a shirt. Say 'shirt'." I made up games to teach him how to make eye contact and continually redirected his love of opening and closing doors. We worked on so many things, much of that time is a blur. He is definitely still autistic, but he is a completely different child now than he was back then. Even though he still struggles with symptoms, he is not withdrawn like he once was. Over the last year, I've been able to snap quite a few pictures of his awesome smile.

It seems to me that I have a choice. I can look at my collage frames and feel sad about the lost years. Or, I can look at those photos and see that he is coming back. Is it a loss or a victory?

I choose victory!

*Fair warning to friends and family: The next time you're at my house, you will be directed to look at these photos and I expect plenty of 'oohs and ahhs'. :-)

Product Review: Sandwich Petals

I recently received a box of Sandwich Petals to review. I was a little nervous about reviewing a prepackaged gluten-free product because they tend to be 'dissapointing' at best. However, I was pleasantly surprised by these flatbreads. The taste and texture are outstanding and they are very versatile.

Sandwich Petals come in 3 delicious flavors: Spinach Garlic Pesto, Chimayo Red Chile and Agave Grain. I tried all three and loved them all. My husband is no fan of gluten-free bread and he enjoyed them too. Even my 3 year old devoured these flatbreads!

Sandwich Petals are made from a propietary blend of milled and whole grains including corn, flax, sesame, buckwheat, brown rice, sorghum, millet, quinoa, teff and amaranth. They are free of dairy, egg, peanut, tree nut, shellfish, soy and wheat. They are a great source of fiber, omega 3s and prebiotics. They're diabetic friendly too!

These flatbreads need to be heated prior to use for best results. I used them to make wraps, but they can also be used for paninis, lasagna, burritos and much more. I found them to be very filling and since they are super slow digesting, I stayed full for hours. Even if you're not gluten free, you might consider Sandwich Petals as a healthier alternative to regular bread.

I don't know how they managed to make these flatbreads so flexible and tasty. I attempted a homemade version once and it was not only inedible, but also failed as a frisbee.

Check out SandwichPetals.com for more info. For $25 you get 36 flatbreads (12 of each flavor). For the month of January, they are running a BOGO special on Mondays. That means you get 2 boxes of 36 for $25 when you place your order on Mondays between 12am and 12pm MST.