Building A Better Mommy

As I mentioned in the previous post, Autism Moms tend to experience more stress than the average parent. We also know that chronic stress can lead to depression and disease. Parents of children with special needs tend to have more restrictions when it comes to time and budgetary concerns, which makes it more challenging to obtain services that would help us save time or relax (i.e. hire a housekeeper or enjoy regular spa treatments). And yet, it is of critical importance that we find time to relax and take care of ourselves.

I developed a lot of bad habits during the early days of our autism journey. When things were really hectic and no one was getting any sleep, I incorrectly referred to those days as a time of "Survival Mode". I should have called it "Self Destruct Mode". I lived on coffee and anxiety. I never took a moment for myself and continually felt smothered by my overwhelming 'to do' list. When other mommy friends would tell me I just needed to take a break, it was all I could do not to smack them. I knew I needed a break...I just didn't know how to make it happen.

My blood pressure began to creep up and I felt bad most of the time. I knew the changes I had to make in order to regain my health and my sanity. But, there are only 24 hours in a day and they're all booked!

Several months ago, I started on "Project Mommy". The very first step in this journey was to retrain my brain. I always put my kids' needs first and my own last. It occurred to me that my kids need ME. So I should take better care of myself so that we can all have a better quality of life. And, if I'm lucky, the changes I make now will allow me to be around to help them for a few extra years. I had to make my own health a priority and that meant changing my thinking from "want to" to "must do".

Establish the Foundation

I started with a high quality multivitamin to help boost my energy level and overall nutrition. I also added DHA for better brain and cardivascular health. L-Theanine has worked well to keep anxiety in check. The first time I took L-Theanine, I did not notice a big change in the way I felt and assumed it wasn't going to work for me. A few minutes later, the kids started fighting and I realized that I was not nearly as aggravated by it as I usually am. I now take it on a regular basis. Finally, a good probiotic rounds out my personal supplement protocol.

Conquer the Demons

I am a coffee junkie. I've always enjoyed it, but I became totally dependent on it during the days when my kids weren't sleeping. I'd have a few cups in the morning and then a few more in the afternoon just to keep going. It helped me stay awake, but it also made me more jittery and the afternoon java interfered with my ability to go to sleep at night. My kids are sleeping well now and I definitely don't need that much caffeine anymore, but the addiction was established and the time had come to break it. I began to substitute hot green tea in place of coffee and found that I felt much better. Now, I just have one cup of coffee in the morning (nobody's perfect!) and a couple of cups of tea during the day.


Garbage In Garbage Out


I developed a habit of skipping meals. Somewhere along the way, breakfast and lunch became optional. By the time I got to the end of the day, I'd be starving (and extra cranky). It's hard to believe that I put so much time into designing nutritional meals for the kids, but never had any concern about my own needs. Now, I make sure I have something for breakfast and lunch. If I'm short on time (which is usually the case) I just have a protein shake. I add some berries and ground flax seed for extra nutrition. Eating more frequently has really helped to boost my energy level throughout the day. 


Gimme A Break!


I'm still in search of the elusive "me time" that I hear other mothers raving about. But, I have learned to add mini-breaks into my day. In the last post, I mentioned that I couldn't relax when there were things that needed to be done. As part of retraining my brain, I've learned to accept the fact that I won't be able to tackle everything in a day. And now that breaks are on the 'to do' list, they must be done. I'm working on rediscovering the things that I used to enjoy. If I have a few minutes alone in the car, the windows come down and the radio gets turned up. I get a lot of funny looks at stoplights while I'm rocking out in the mommymobile, but I don't care. It's fun!

"Project Mommy" is a work in progress and there are many more changes to make. I've been adding these improvements slowly over time. I'd make one change and stick with it until it became habit and then move on to the next one. The way I see it, if I'm going to be an effective Warrior Mom, I must be mentally, emotionally and physically prepared for the battle. And that is a high priority for this mom.

How's Mom Doing?

In a study released last year, it was shown that mothers of children with autism experience stress levels (measured by the presence of cortisol) similar to that of combat soldiers. I have avoided mentioning this study because I have a difficult time comparing what I do on a daily basis to the brave acts of our incredible military men and women. However, I will most certainly agree that we have extraordinary stress in our lives. Given the long term nature of our high stress levels, we are at great risk for developing chronic diseases. Since most of us need to live to be well over 100 years old in order to see our kids through adulthood, we should act now to reduce our health risks.

I've always been of the mindset that I would relax when my work was finished. This is a self-imposed mindset that started when I was a little kid. When I came home from school, I would always do my homework before going outside to play. This behavior continued throughout my adulthood as well. I've always found it impossible to relax or have fun when I had an unfinished project hanging over my head. For many years, this strategy worked for me and allowed me to excel in school and at work. But now, I am a mom...and my work is never finished.

I spend most of my time at home, where I take care of my kids and run my business. No matter where I turn, there is an unfinished project. Something always needs to be cleaned, cooked or tended to in some way. There are emails to reply to and website updates to work on. There is autism research to be done and therapies to implement. Then, of course, there are my beautiful children who just want to have some time with Mommy. Oh yeah, there's also this guy I married a while back. He needs some attention too.

So, how does an average mom with limited time, money and childcare options recover her sanity and her health? I'll share my plan in the next post.

Cafe Press and Autism Awareness

Click here to shop this design.

In honor of Autism Awareness Month, Cafe Press is generously donating a portion of the proceeds on sales of autism awareness designs to Autism Speaks. Also through April 17th, all orders of autism awareness gear over $40 will qualify for FREE SHIPPING! Just use code 4AUTISM at checkout.

There are more than 7,000 designs to choose from. You can find them on the autism awareness page on CafePress.com.

Product Review: Canyon Bakehouse

I recently received a box of product samples from Canyon Bakehouse. The gluten free samples included their San Juan 7 Grain Bread, Cinnamon Raisin Bread, Mountain White Bread, Rosemary and Thyme Focaccia, and Cranberry Crunch Muffins.

What immediately stood out to me was the packaging. They all looked like they could be sold in any grocery store on the bread aisle. In my small town, we only have frozen gluten free bread for sale in local stores and it was a big deal when that became available to us. I was happy to see that Canyon Bakehouse goods are available in some stores. I can't wait to see them available in my town!

All of the products that I sampled from Canyon Bakehouse were out-of-this-world delicious! I can't even compare them to other gluten free breads because they are in a class of their own. Canyon Bakehouse has set a new standard for gluten free baked goods. You can now avoid gluten without sacrificing taste and texture.

My favorites were the Cranberry Crunch Muffins. They are really moist and flavorful. The pumpkin and poppy seeds add a fun crunch. 

My husband and I enjoyed the San Juan 7 Grain Bread. This is a hearty bread, but it is not overly dense like most gluten free breads. It has a slightly sweet flavor and tasted great right out of the bag.

The Mountain White Bread was also a hit in my house. Like the San Juan 7 Grain, this bread is perfect right out of the bag. It is very soft and sweetened with agave syrup.

The Cinnamon Raisin Bread was delicious. It is not too sweet and has plenty of raisins in it. My 3 year old loved having this for breakfast.

The Rosemary & Thyme Focaccia was outstanding. The texture is great and the flavor is absolutely superb. I would be proud to serve this to anyone whether or not they were gluten free.

They have definitely mastered the art of gluten free baking. But, I was shocked to see they their products are also free of dairy, soy and nuts. I read the ingredients, tasted the products, read the ingredients again, tasted again, took another look at the ingredients, double checked the ingredients online and finally did a little happy dance. These products will meet the needs of many families living with food allergies.

All of the Canyon Bakehouse goodies are made in a dedicated gluten free facility in Loveland, Colorado. You can order them online at http://www.canyonbakehouse.com/.

Dr. Mercola Interviews Dr. Wakefield

For those of you who are new to autism and are curious about the biomedical interventions used to treat the condition, I highly recommend watching Dr. Mercola's interview of Dr. Wakefield.

The ten part series is available on YouTube. Each segment runs less than 10 minutes. Here are the direct links to each part:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10

It's great to hear Dr. Wakefield set the record straight!

Choosing Hope

In the last five months, I've had three more friends learn that their child was on the spectrum. There are countless more new autism moms out there looking for answers as well. There is much to do in the early days of the diagnosis and these moms will be overloaded with learning about diet, supplementation, IEPs, and therapy options. They will all have to manage the overwhelming emotions that come with the diagnosis while learning to navigate this new path their lives have suddenly taken.

They have the additional task of simply getting through the day. Depending on their child's symptoms, this may be a very tall order. In our early days on the spectrum, I had two children who rarely slept and spent the better part of the day screaming for no apparent reason. I was alone with them most of the time and had zero guidance from medical professionals. They were dark, horrible days. When I look back on them now, I am truly amazed at how far we've all come. Yes, it took a lot of intervention and hard work, but our lives are completely different now. My kids are happy, healthy and they sleep all the way through the night. While there are still frequent challenges to overcome, our good days far outnumber our bad days.

I want the new moms to know that there is hope. It is a conscious decision to make. You can choose to despair over the diagnosis or you can choose to believe that you can help your child and make his or her life better. Hope is what will get you through the bad days. Hope will make the good days even better. Hope will allow you to celebrate every single accomplishment, no matter how small.

I recently had the opportunity to meet another Warrior Mom for coffee (yay, I got out of the house!). Her story is one of incredible success and she accomplished this in the days when there were almost no resources for children with autism. She didn't have the luxury of being able to connect with other moms online and there were few (if any) other autism families in her local area. I can only imagine how hard things were for her in the early days of her child's diagnosis, but she didn't let anything get in her way. Her son is now 18 years old. He attends college and drives himself to school.

Here is a bit of poetry from Emily Dickinson. It is the first stanza from her poem titled, "Life". I think it sums up this topic perfectly.

HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops - at all.